Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
