we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
