im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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