i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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