so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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