mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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