Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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