It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
