She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
