Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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