i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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