someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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