I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
