If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
