So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
