I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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