considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
