ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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