I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
