Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
