so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
