I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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