whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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