I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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