I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
