haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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