Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
