Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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