her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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