don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
