i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
