he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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