apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
