I'm eating all of the evidence.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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