cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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