Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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