He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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