I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
birth control should be required to get into college
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
