She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
