Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
