That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
