I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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