tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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