i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
