Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
