Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
