I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
