we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
