girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
