i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
