And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
