I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
