My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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